Sometimes I think Newt Gingrich has forgotten to take his Lexipro…. Actual ideas he’s offered up to help solve the inevitable conundrum of how to spend the American tax payer’s money:
1. Shoot lasers at North Korea (That’ll teach em!)
2. Forget Overcrowding or even over spending - Newt has an idea: MOON COLONIES!
3. Clearly a fan of James Bond movies, Gingrich is a fan of “shooting down ballistic missiles from space” with “orbital death rays.” Fun fact: Guess who else thought of Orbital Death Rays? That’s right, the Nazis.
4. Kill Marijuana smugglers (Because marijuana is so damn deadly you got to fight fire with fire!)
5. MOON MADNESS! Newt is obsessed with the Moon - it’s like his secret weapon. All problems can be solved by looking to the moon.
Newt’s plans for the moon include:
- colonies (see above)
- Make the moon America’s 51st state (NOT KIDDING! F YOU PUERTO RICO! The moon doesn’t have anyone who wants to immigrate here - hahaha!)
- Mine the moon for minerals (that no one can find … yet. Just ask NASA)
- FARM the moon. Because it’s full of such tillable and arable soil…
- Get some space mirrors up there - that way we can see ALL crime, ALL the time. It’s like the moon is Newt’s Tru TV.
All these great ideas don’t come free, now… So instead of spending on education, infrastructure or just plain paving our roads.. we could have all these awesome projects. Thanks, Newt.